A year later... a month later...

The waves are getting stronger and stronger by each thrust of pain the wave hits me. Full of pain and regret. Tears pouring down my face every night before I lay down my head to sleep. Wishing these thoughts and memories were just go away from my head, heart and soul. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and believe and know that I was beautiful and that I meant to someone...to him.
A year ago my world came to a halt. Dead End. A year ago my children were question. I promised them when they were little that I would never let anything to happen to them. I saw pain now in the my children eyes, fear of the unknown. Now my babies are strong, free.
A year later I am questioned on why the IT would hire someone to hurt me the way that I was. Hurt in a horrible act that only loved ones should share. Pain, fear, hurt and disgust came over me. The only thing I could think was when I told IT that I wanted out. I fall in love with someone. IT told me I would regret it, I just never thought I would feel like this. Knowing now his family kept on telling the one that I fall in love lies and put my name to it. Lies I never said. I did lie  to the people I loved the most . I didn't tell them what happen. I even told the man I loved I was just with another man. I did not want to trust any one any more! Why would any man ever love me the way I believe I should be loved? Now because of the that thought my heart aches. Because of it once again my world is a halt. Dead End.
It makes me question why? Why would some people be filled with hate,so much hate that they will destroy someones life? Why would they tell him more lies? Was it because they are mad at me because I fall in love with someone else? Is that why they made his life hell too? I just wish I could have answers to all these whys.
Now right now at this moment, I look down at myself and question even more. Waiting for the results to come in and tell me yes or no. Knowing that once again I could be having another in some months. Wondering if it is from the man I fall for or from the man who made me life hell?
One day at a time....